The name is A. Rahman. I hope to become a mathematician just like my ancestor, Isaac Newton. My life is a mess, I have a troubled and complicated soul. People come and go away from me. This blog tells my whole story from start to finish... Do judge me, I dare you.And thank you to those that came to my page and followed/reblogged/liked my post, you are all beautiful. Follow me and I shall follow you back because it's a common courtesy & you're beautiful (go thank your Mum)
Women like me aren’t afraid of death, it sits on our minds always. We fall asleep to thoughts of it. Every birthday wish is spent on it. We fantasize over the peace we’ll find. People like me aren’t afraid of death, we anticipate it. We rely on the mercy of God and the sincerity of our beings. We toss pennies into fountains, looking for it. To not exist is sometimes all we can hope for.
High Skool Diary
For a while I hated my high school with the passion. I hated it since the first year and kept hating until now. I’ve came to a realization that I actually love the school. I love it so much. It helped me grow and become the person I am today.
The first time I walked the halls of Aviation Career and Technical High School, I loved it. The planes, the atmosphere, the welcoming of the students and faculty was phenomenal. People saw you with kind faces. I’ve even made friends quite easily. I enjoyed the curriculum so much. I was chosen and honored for many things. But then, after a semester there, I wanted to leave the place as soon as possible.
The first half of my freshman year was great. I thought I met the love of my life in the hallways. He was my first high school crush. He was older, smart, charming, and exactly what my parents wanted. His name was Aktar Ahmed (we have the same initials so I knew it was meant to be). Unfortunately I thought wrong. Besides knowing he was not interested in me I’ve dealt with so many other guys that were complete assholes. After exposing my likeness for him I was shattered. Although I wasn’t the high school slut not did I dress displeasing I would always be teased for being the nerd or teachers pet. People made fun of my clothes. Classmates insulted my intellect even though their speech grammar was way off. (Note: never argue with a guy that barely speaks English, it’s like talking to a wall— you won’t win, ever).
My sophomore year I joined many clubs to boost my confidence. By the end of that year I was even more down. I was hated by so many people. I was an insulter then so I got my just dessert. I liked this guy named TQ (name is censored due to personal reasons) and he was cool. I thought I’d get his attention by insulting him. I was not thinking at all. He threatened me. I freaked out. Basically he hated on me so much and even got his friends to insult me.
Junior year was a killer. Minus the classes, I met some interesting people. In the middle of the year I met this great guy. He was smart, weird, funny, and quite unique. He was like my little unofficial soldier. People who knew about us wouldn’t stop pestering about him to me. I loved this boy so much. Yes loved. So that means I despise him too and I still do. Fortunately he broke my heart. And yes it’s fortunate because he is the reason why I am still alive and strong today. I’ve learned a lot about myself after meeting him. And he is one of the big reasons why I hated that school so much. Seeing him in the hallways was poison to me. Thankfully I haven’t seen his face for many years now. But also because of him, I’ve had friends who would tease me about him constantly. And it would enrage me inside. And one day someone kept telling me about his whereabouts with some chick. I got so mad I said something wrong; which created a small drama. The nerve of these so-called peers of mine. What a bummed year, it was a special year. For college readiness and other things. Not to mention I got removed from a prestigious position in some club.
And alas, senior year. It had it’s perks. I guess. Someone named Justin made me cry. I despise him too. But I’m emotionless with him. Because he doesn’t make my world go round. But besides him, towards the end of my senior year, in my last shop class I was in this crew where everyone was older than me. And all my crew members were kinda mean to me. There was one day where I was speaking to two of my classmates who were very cool. And then my crew members were looking for me and so to avoid them, I hide somewhere because I didn’t like being put down and taking crap from people who don’t respect me. I thank those two boys, Edgar and Wilfred for having my back and straying my crew members to another direction. I am forever in debt to them. And let’s not forget that I got into an argument with two sophomore girls and I got a whole table in detention. That was the highlight of the year. And but not least. It was graduation and I had revived an outstanding scholarship. When my name was called for me to go up on stage alone I heard some of the crowd getting all surprised and saying how did I get that type of award. All praises to Allah for presenting me with something that I actually worked very hard for. And on my way home my mother complains about why I was not awarded a toolbox. I ain’t even mad.
Now it’s first year of college. And I’m so glad I’m outta that school. Many former classmates whom I barely spoke with or had a distant or class work relationship would hit me up and ask for some hook ups and flings. It’s funny how these certain people grew enough balls to ask me after I’ve graduated. And thanks people. Ask the nerdy girl for your devilish needs. I really don’t give a finger-in-the-middle. So deuces to them. But besides classmates asking. I’d get messages from a faculty staff who would ask me out and have breakfast, lunch or dinner with him. And he wouldn’t stop bugging me. And he’d flirt with me in a civilised way where I can’t tell if he wants something erotic or not. It just made me hate the school even more.
In my second year of college I changed colleges. I felt like I needed a new environment. Only a couple of people know the real story on why I left to a different college. But my second year I met someone that I still cannot forget to this day. His name was Erfath Chowdhury. He was this shy, smart, witty, casual dude. He had a couple of friends and is always seeing different parts of the world. He was phenomenal in odd ways to me. I told him deep things that I probably shouldn’t have mentioned. But I felt close to him and he was alarmed by my behaviour. I told him how much I hated the school. But after he torn me into parts I began to realize how much I love that school.
Aviation made me who I am today. I’ve learned a lot from both the people and faculty. I grew to be close to many people. Minus the people who bummed my life there, I met people who flourished me and still put me in bloom now. My college advisor was amazing. There’s no one like her. Mr. Nuñez was always there every second minute hour day when I need him. Mr. and Mrs. Miorana, they helped me express myself and talk to me when I needed it. Mr. Ricky Sanchez, the one guy that pushed me to do my best. Mr. Schoenhardt, he had my back on the downlow. I’ll always remember that. My colleagues for the National Honor Society were the best people I worked with. My two great friends who I see as family, Pardeep and Nancy are just wonderful people that I’m glad to have in my life. These are the only two people that called and texted me on my graduation night to congratulate me. I will never forget that. Although I didn’t receive much if my mothers love that night, I did receive theirs and I was as happy as ever. And my mentor Jim, my mentor, he is something words can’t describe, his heart was so pure and honest with me. I love my high school, minus the boneheads.
عائشة رحمان (She who lives - Merciful) | May Allah reward the brother who wrote this for me. | #Calligraphy #Islam #IslamAwarnessWeek #IAW #Aishah #Rahman